Ever heard the term “crazy in love”? It’s a well-known fact that rational people magically do something out-of-character for them, once they’re in love. Being crazy? — Scientific studies show that a little delusion will help your love life in a big way.
According to Helen Fisher, an anthropology professor and human behavior researcher at the Rutgers University says, “Men and women are ‘designed to misconstrue, misread and misunderstand each other.’” Apparently, these delusions are what keep our love lives in balance; and here’s why:
- Men overestimate women’s interest in them – Ever have a guy friend call you up for your take on a situation between him and his girl? That he’s losing sleep over absolutely nothing? (False-negative errors) Well, there’s that — overanalysis. Why is it good? Usually men feel guilty when women give out a slight comment — and they try to make up for it in gifts! While that sounds manipulative, I do admit, us girls enjoy a little pampering every so often.
- Men assume all women are interested – When boys talk to us girls, they automatically assume that since they’re doing all the talking, the listeners are immediately captivated. They can’t be more wrong. It’s the listening that they should focus on! Girls can and will smile when talked to, but more often than not, it’s just us being polite, maybe interested 1/10ths of the time. Love comes and goes, but for guys? Maybe not today!
- Women assume all men are jerks – Since a woman feels a greater investment in reproduction, the tendency is to overestimate men’s interest in casual sex. (It’s a crazy delusion, but it’s true!) Maybe they just want to get in our pants? Who knows? The safest approach is being cautious. This creates false-positive errors, meaning that we don’t instantly throw our panties away when we meet someone new.
- Men and women lie to each other when interested – It’s the the nuttiest of all the listed delusions, if I might add — women’s lies tend to make them look more faithful, while men project wealth and stability, maybe for a long-term commitment. Do they balance each other out? This fact makes it seem like when it comes to love (or life, probably) men and women both want to have fun.
- Getting over trauma – An important bodily function is forgetting trauma. The body forgets trauma once it’s over — making people cope with the present. The tendency is men and women view their current love in the best of light, while everyone else who’s come before must’ve been suffering delusions.
1 Comment so far
Leave a comment
Well, I guess I can agree with the very first part of this post. However, the rest I have to disagree with. What you are describing, is not love. If a man, or a woman, especially both together have to lie, to try and convince their mate, that they are the right person. Then that is not love, that is greed.
I am in a strong relationship, I am young, and I am a male. But I know for a fact, men and women do not lie to each other when interested, if they are in love with each other at least. “In-love”, is quite a term to be used in this scenario. You are speaking about love, but I am rambling on about being ‘in love’. Yes, there is a difference, a huge one.
This trauma you speak of, is only partially true. It is not a fact that all previous relationships, and whatnot were just delusions, but perhaps true to what they were really feeling at that time. It just did not work out perhaps, or something else stopped it in its tracks. But I will agree in the sense, that perhaps people will LOOK at the past as a big delusion, and the love they hold now, as the right thing. Yes it is common, but who is to say it is a delusion?
Perhaps women feel all men are jerks, but I am still going to basically disagree with this. Just because a woman takes caution to the man she is flirting with, or growing in relationship with, does not mean she is convinced he is a jerk. Perhaps she had a run-in with previous jerks. This only grants her experience, and a different approach to men in the future. But does it necessarily mean she is assuming the next man she kisses is a complete, and total jerk? It has to be in her head somewhere, that there is a nice guy out there waiting for her.
I will however, agree to your comment about the men thinking women are interested bit. It is a fact that most women want to ramble on about themselves, and expect the men to listen. It is also a common fact, that women think men are interested, or just pretending to be, either-or. So do not blame this on the men. I am also pointing out the fact, that all these so called ’studies’ you present, seem to be one-sided, against the face of men. It shows the so-called ‘delusions’ of men, but not the women necessarily.
I hope you are not trying to claim love in itself, is one big delusional process. Or everything that makes up love between a pair, is an illusion. If that is the case, you darling have never been in love.
I also do not like the comment, stating these misconceptions of one-another are what keep the love alive. That is by far the most off-the-land comment I have ever read. Are you serious? Illusions are what keep love flaming? Maybe in your world. I do not only totally disagree with this comment, but I will throw it down with the fact if love were kept alive by delusional process, and illusions and misconceptions, then would love itself just be one huge delusional feeling, and the true feelings between two people who are in ‘love’ just be a lie also?
That is what your statement is bringing about. Love is so much more than you present it to be. And no you can not take the words of some so called expert, because love is different for everybody. Love is so much more than one feeling, it is a huge part of life. It is all around us, it is in us, and it is outside of us. It is a music we can hear, but never understand, but we have to learn to travel with it. To move with its harmonic melodies, and listen to the wondrous implications it grants us, and stay with it.
Love cannot be explained in a blog, nor a thousand blogs. Please, next time you want to write a blog, write about something that can easily be clarified.
By Chad M on 07.01.08 9:46 pm | Permalink
Leave a comment
Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>